FORGIVENESS IN MARRIAGE.
A lecture delivered at the monthly lectures of Centre for Blissful Home Initiative on Saturday 20th August, 2022 by Pastor Dr Esther Olajumoke Ayo-Oladapo.
- WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
Forgiveness can be defined as the act of forgoing or overlooking the hurt we underwent caused by someone and starting the relationship afresh. It is an act of letting go the bitterness or hatred nursed against anyone who hurts us.
Forgiveness is an act of mercy and grace covered by love just like what Jesus did for us. It is not granted because we deserve it but because he demonstrated His love towards us even when we were yet sinners “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8”
Forgiveness is being able to let go of past hurts and weight of other people sins against us.
Forgiveness is one of the essential tools to any relationship to thrive and succeed. No healthy relationship can be sustain over a long period of time without forgiveness. Forgiveness in marriage is a conscious decision and a practice of releasing feelings of resentment. Even though to forgive is sometimes not easy yet its very crucial and necessary for you and your partner to process and move on in your relationship.
Always remember that no one is above mistakes, no one is an angel.
Being able to forgive is crucial for long haul. - WHY YOU MUST FORGIVE
-Ps. 103: 3 “Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; “
Because God forgave you all your iniquities
-Matthew 6: 14-15 “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
So that your own sins may be forgiven
-Mark 11: 25 25 “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. “
That your prayers may be answered
Luke 17: 4 “And if He trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him. “
Matthew 18:21-22,21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Matthew 18:21-22 “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”
Keep forgiving according to Jesus’ injunction
Ephesians 4: 32 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
It is a command to forgive, so that you can be a good ambassador of Christ.
- HOW TO FORGIVE YOUR PARTNER
It is difficult to forgive especially if your partner isn’t remorseful. But even then you must find value in offering forgiveness. The level of sin committed may make forgiveness easy or difficult, for instance, to forgive a spouse who is infidel for many years may be more difficult than to forgive a spouse for forgetting to pay a bill but yet Jesus commands us to forgive. - SOME HELPFUL HINTS ON FORGIVENESS are as follow but not limited to:
-Keep in mind that forgiveness is something you do for yourself at all times to sever your emotional attachment to what happened .
-Think of taking your hand away from a hot burner on the stove, it remains hot but you move away from it for your own safety.
-Remind yourself that you are moving forward and forgiving your partner allows the sin or offence to stay in the past as you move on.
-Always remember that you are not an angel. You are also fallible.
-Be open and receptive to forgiveness.
-Make a conscious decision to forgive your spouse
-Think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts when images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind.
-Refrain from throwing an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date: don’t use it as an ammunition in an argument.
-Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression, behavior or mistake.
-Refrain from seeking revenge or retribution which will only amount to pains.
-Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you condone the hurtful behaviour or that you are weak .
-Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time, don’t try to hurry the process because time heals pains.
-Journaling, prayer or meditation and loving kindness meditation can all be helpful in easing yourself into forgiveness as well.
-Seek professional counseling to help you let go and forgive if you are still unable to forgive or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt. - HOW TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS
If you are the partner who has caused hurt you can ask for forgiveness in an effort to rebuild trust in relationship, remember to give yourself or your partner time when working through the process. The following are steps to take to seek for forgiveness
-Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you have caused.
-Be willing to make a commitment not to hurt your spouse again by repeating the hurtful behavior.
-Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt.
-Be open to making amends.
-Make a heartfelt and verbal apology: this includes a plan of action to make things right.
-Be patient with your partner. Being able to forgive you takes time. - BENEFITS OF FORGIVENESS
Being able to forgive and let go of past hurts is a way to keep yourself healthy both emotionally and physically, because lack of forgiveness can wear you down.
-Forgiveness reduces the risk of heart attack, lowers cholesterol level, improves sleep, reduces pain, lowers blood pressure and decreases levels of anxiety, depression, stress and fear.
- CONCLUSION
Forgive your spouse for any offence committed so that you can make your home a heaven on earth and more importantly, so that you can make heaven at last . God bless you and make your home a blissful one in Jesus name. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING