A CARING FATHER
PSALM 128
A lecture delivered by Rev’d Dr. Kayode Ayinde at the monthly online lectures of Centre for Blissful Home Initiative on Saturday, June 18, 2022
PREAMBLE
Who is a father? The word could be used as a verb and a noun. Using the word as a verb, to father something means to “invent, originate, procreate something. On the other hand, the word being used as a noun is a reference to the originator, founder, inventor etc. In Hebrew language, the word as a noun refers to the man, head, chief, coordinator of his home, family or household. From that brief definition of who a father is and what he does, it is clear to deduce that there is no way someone could be called a father without being caring. The head cares for the body so as to ensure all is well, a chief cares for his community to avoid any form of mishap. You cannot author something and will not want to nurture it.
So, one would have thought that the topic before us today is a tautology, except for the glaring fact that, we have different kinds of so called fathers in our world today. Within the space of our discussions today, we will be looking at FOUR different kinds of fathers;
- Fathers who care less- The nameless husband of the Shunamite woman (2 Kings 4:18).
- Fathers who care not- Naboth, the husband of Abigail (1 Sam. 25)
- Fathers who care well- Abraham, the father of faith (Gen. 21:9-14)
- Fathers who care too much/overcare- Eli, the priest (1 Sam. 2:29).
TEN ATTRIBUTES OF A CARING FATHER
- He is both masculine and feminine in relating with his children
He is not always manly in his approaches to issues. He empathises with his children as a mother will naturally do. But that shouldn’t make him become too soft in handling his home. You know that children ordinarily fear their Dad more than Mum. That should be enough. Don’t let it go beyond that natural fear otherwise, they may misconstrue it for hatred.
- He is an enquirer and a listener at the same time
He kind of read the minds of his children to decipher what they go through or what goes through them. He knows when “malaria” is knocking and does the needful. He does the listening at times when his children are doing the talking. Many father’s slogan is, “I am talking, you are talking, who gave you the audacity and effrontery?”. If that continues, you will kill their morale, candour and self confidence. Don’t be a lion. The Bible warns (Eph. 6:4). While it is insultive for our children to talk back at us, let them have the slot to talk to you too. Remember, eventually when you become old, you will definitely swap!
- He creates time for fun with his family
If you have played any game or spent time having fun in any form with your children this year, signify by typing “I”. Thank God for “Covid-19. Though it killed people but the effects of it kept families and strengthened family ties. Caring fathers PLAY with their children. Let them ride on you like a horse, do hide and seek, throw ball to each other etc. All works and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Can we say, makes daddies a boring daddy?”. You can see movies together, take them for window shopping and so on. It’s all fun!
- He shows love to his spouse and children
Love is meant to be shown not just said. An author posited that “love is a verb”. That is, love is more of an action than an unction. For instance, know your children’s birthdates, buy a small or big gifts for them. Give them a treat however little and let them feel celebrated. Praise them in public and private. Tell them you love them and care so much for them. For those who are still toddlers or youngsters, help them to take their bath, dress them up for school, drop and pick them from school. It shows you love and value them.
- He identifies with his children’s failure and success
Caring parents are not known only when their children are doing great. They are human beings who are prone to making mistakes and being troubled sometimes by youthful exuberance. Since it is only a crazy man that will throw a dirty baby away with dirty water, be there for them at all times.
A father refused to attend his son’s graduation ceremony from the University, just because he had a third class! Who told you that those who have a third class do not do well in life? I stand to be correctly, some third class materials are now professors. Many factors are responsible for failure or low academic performances. Don’t love your children only when they make you proud. Bury your ego and be a caring father that you are called to be.
- He defends his children when and where they are prone to dangers
A father is his family’s guard. A caring father makes efforts to wade off predators and satanic gladiators from his children. He gives timely warnings and godly instructions that could make his children stand safe. That was what Solomon was saying in Prov. 1:8-9, “My son, hear the instruction of your father; reject not nor forsake the teaching of your mother. For they are a chalet of grace upon your head and chains and pendants for your neck”. Unfortunately, Rehoboam his son rejected his father’s laudable instruction and the kingdom was majorly taken away from him. Caring father are bold to go in search of erring children like David and his men did (1 Sam. 30).
- He disciplines when needs arise
David, the second King of Israel was a very strong man at battle fronts but an embarrassing weakling at home fronts, especially in playing his roles as a father. Check out how he handled Amnon and Tamar’s issue (2 Sam. 13:21) and the comment given about him as regards how he handled Adonijah (1 Kings 1:6).
- He provides for the needs of his family where and when he is capable
Caring fathers don’t dodge their responsibilities. You are called to care for your children by practically paying their school fees, putting food on the table for them and clothing them appropriately. Where fathers truly don’t have the capacity for those responsibilities, let your children know. Tell them, “I know it is my duty to do this and that for you but as you can see, I don’t have the muscle yet…”. Don’t assume they should know. Never say, “Are they kids?” “Can they understand?” etc. They may not understand if you don’t make them to.
- He does not Lord it over his children
Caring fathers respect their children’s privacy. He respects their choices (especially, marital and career choices) but guides them with caution. As a father, never enforce your own agenda or calendar on your children. They have to be allowed to grow up. Sometimes, they should be permitted to learn from their mistakes.
- He spends time to pray for his family (children), preach to his family and plan for his family
God’s word shows us that a father should provide for his home. Those who don’t have denied faith (1 Tim. 5:8). But what a father provides is not only physical food, money and the likes. It also includes spiritual needs. Caring fathers pray for their children daily. He teaches them the word of God as commanded by God (Deut 4:9, 6:6-7).
CONCLUSION
Any father who is not caring at all is just a donour, not a daddy. A donour just drops the “stuff” that fertilizes the eggs and go his way. He abandons the female to carry the seeds. He makes no positive contribution during gestation. He absconds and appears at will. Even when he is at home, he is either bullying, beating or busy. Correct fathers are friends indeed to their children! God expects nothing less from the contemporary christian fathers. May we not miss his help.
